He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
