haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
