Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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