i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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