I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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