Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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