i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
