Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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