We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
