There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
