He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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