he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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