Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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