it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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