just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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