I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
