Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
