Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize