ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
