My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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