What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
