I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
