every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
