so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
