I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
