Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
