Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
