i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i now understand why vodka
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
