WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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