Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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