He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
