And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
