did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
