I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
