He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
