he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
