Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
