i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
