I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
