I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize