making cat noises will not fix the situation.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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