im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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