I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
