So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
