So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
