Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
