This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Welp...herpes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
