He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
