Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize