So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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