As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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