I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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