is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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