i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
