toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
