SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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