he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
