it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
