we have officially lost it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
