Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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