maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
