No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize