I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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