I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
