After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
