I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
