Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
