she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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