Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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